Come, Sit, Stay!
Walking into the unknown sometimes means understanding the past so you can move into the future. ~Ronett McNary
Who knew, right?! I've heard those words so many times! Who knew that Daniel would get colon cancer at such a young age? Who would guess that he'd get Type 1 diabetes in his 20s? Who knew that there would be a virus that would cause many to go into a panic and lose so much hope that people would need to resort to stocking up on toilet paper in order to feel some semblance of security? Who knew?! I didn't!
Let me say that again: I didn't! There's no way of knowing that Daniel would have diabetes in his early 20's. There's no way of knowing that he'd die of cancer at the age of 39. There's no way of knowing that a virus would cause whole counties to shelter-in-place. Who knew?!
Crisis happens throughout history. Some days I think I live in my own world of crisis. I'm constantly juggling being a solo mom, entering a stage of life where my kids need me, yet don't need me, balancing work and personal life (involving lots of crafts, tv shows, and Pinterest), and finding out where I fit in this whole new world. If I could sit down across the table from you, I'd look you in the eyes (perhaps with tears in them) and tell you, "Who knew?! I didn't!"
Thank God Almighty, I didn't!!! Here's where I tell you why I didn't and He did! God, who is omnipresent, knew beforehand that Daniel would have type 1 diabetes, that he would get cancer and pass away Thanksgiving night, leaving two tender girls in the hands of a little woman who just gained a new title of widow. He knew that I would have to walk an unknown journey: crawling, crying, falling, stumbling, getting up, dusting off, laughing, jumping, yelling, and many times losing my sensibilities. He knew! I didn't!!
Our whole community, our whole world is questioning whether they should have been told, questioning if they were prepared or not, questioning whether they will continue to live and move on from this virus. The whole world wants to know "who knew". We don't get to know sometimes. We have inklings. We have glimpses. We have knowledge and understanding. What we don't have is the omnipresent power. God knew. God knows. He is omnipresent. What we get is to be with Him as we go through this together.
As a widow, I knew ahead of time that Daniel would be going home soon. It was the moment we heard from the doctor on that hospital bed, in the room, just the two of us. That's when we knew. That's when Daniel knew. That's when my heart sank into the pit of my stomach. That's when we knew. I didn't know that I would be walking an unknown journey of deep valleys and mountain tops. I didn't know that I would have to figure out how to look up repair shops in order to get a reputable mechanic to work on my car without ripping off a little lady. I didn't know that coordinating school for two girls would lead me to get my own degree in education. I didn't know that I would ever work with kids who need extra help with life and social skills. I didn't know that I'd be going back to school, yet again, to get my masters and set my eyes on becoming a game changer BCBA. I didn't know! Thank God I didn't!
For some of our journeys, we get to know. For some, we don't. Is it easier either way. I don't think so. What I do know is what I've experienced in the past. What I do know is that God has taken care of me and my family. What I do know is that I can rely on others who do know, that I can, and I will get through this crisis, knowing that when this is over, when I see something else occur down the road, I can say with words of truth: God knew! God got me through! God will get me through this!